


Living With The Past

by IcemanKazansky



Category: Top Gun (1986)
Genre: Angst, Cried writing this, Death, I am so sorry for this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:14:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29145033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcemanKazansky/pseuds/IcemanKazansky
Summary: Goose. He was the only family that Maverick ever had, and now he's gone. Everyone keeps telling him that it will all be okay, but it isn't. It's all too much for Maverick to handle.
Relationships: Tom "Iceman" Kazansky/Pete "Maverick" Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Living With The Past

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thecarlysutra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecarlysutra/gifts), [Pink_and_Velvet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_and_Velvet/gifts).



Goose. He was the only family that Maverick has ever had, and now he's gone. People keep telling him that it will all be okay, but it won't. It never will. They are treating the situation as if it were just some random person that has died, not Maverick's RIO, not Maverick's friend, not Maverick's _family_.

Iceman hadn't been doing well himself either. Goose's death was his fault. It was his jetwash, but Maverick feels responsible, no matter what anyone else says, and Iceman has to live knowing that. What hurts Ice even more is the fact that his boyfriend is suffering terribly because of him.

* * *

Two weeks have passed since the tragic accident, and things don't seem to be getting any better for Maverick. His flying has become more reckless and he's been letting himself go. Ice was getting more and more concerned by the day, but today, he had an awful feeling in his chest that he hated. Maverick hadn't showed up for work, and no one up there had seen him all day. After a few minutes of contemplating with Slider, he finally decided to talk with Viper about going to check on Mav.

Two knocks on Viper's office door was all it took for him to open it.

"Hey Iceman. Is everything all right?" Viper's expression changed throughout as he noticed the concerned look on Ice's face. Viper shut the door to his office and offered Iceman a seat, which he accepted.

"I don't know. Just really worried, that's all." Viper's expression tensed up, clearly getting a little worried himself. Iceman continued since he saw the look on his boss's face. "It's about Maverick." Viper was the only one who knew about their relationship other than Slider (Goose had known too), and Iceman was thankful that he was accepting.

"Oh. Is he okay?" His voice sounded extremely concerned, though his expression said otherwise. Maverick was like a son to him. That feeling in Ice's chest was getting worse, and he felt like he had to worry.

"Sir, I don't know. I came here to ask you if I could take the rest of the day off to look for him, to make sure that he's alright."

"Well, I don't see why you can't, so it's okay." A small smile tugged at the corner of Ice's lips as he thanked Viper and practically ran out of his office, hurrying into his own car. 

The drive to Maverick's house was long and grueling, though it was only six minutes. Rain was beginning to fall little by little, and Iceman barely made it to Maverick's in time. His bike was in the driveway, so Ice was sure he was here. He used the spare key that Mav had given him to get into the house. Once inside, Ice called Maverick's name. No response. It was utterly quiet, and Iceman hated it. 

No Maverick in the Living room. No Maverick in the kitchen. No Maverick in the guest bedroom. The last place Ice had to check was the master bedroom and bathroom. Ice didn't even have to check the bathroom, because there Mav was, lying on the bed. Lifeless. Iceman ran up to him and feel to his knees as he saw the handwritten letter and small and empty pill bottle. He managed to call 911, but he couldn't even see the keypad through his blurry eyes. The only reason he was able to successfully dial was due to memory of where the digits were placed. That call was the hardest he has ever had to make, and ending it gave Ice the opportunity for it all to finally sink in. Maverick wasn't breathing, and there was no pulse, at all. His hair was all messed up and there were signs that he had been crying. The ambulance said that they would get there in about five minutes, and after 3, Ice finally had the will to pick up Maverick's letter.

It was addressed to Iceman.

_Dear Ice,_

_I imagine that you are going to be the first one to see this, and I am so sorry. I couldn't hold on any longer, and I didn't want to cause you any trouble with me constantly being upset over Goose. He was my family, well, my family before you, but we couldn't let the others know. I will always remember the very first time we met, the very first time my lips touched yours, the very first time you wrapped your arms around me and rested your head on my shoulder. Your smile and your way of looking at me will always linger in my memories. There are so many lovely memories but the fact remains, the memories are not enough to bind us together for the rest of our lives. The picture of your charming smile keeps flashing in front of my eyes, though I know things will never be the same but I will always, I mean always, love you. I still yearn for your love. You were the person keeping me from hurting any one else. Time will go by, and eventually, you'll learn to live without me. I just couldn't live with the guilt, with having to see Carole and Bradley knowing that I am the reason she's widowed, and that he'll never have a father figure. God, Ice, I love you so much. You meant the whole world to me, and I want you to go on, for me. Win that trophy, you've got it in you. Tell Viper that he was amazing to me, and that he helped me so much. Tell Carole and Bradley that I will miss them, that I loved them so much, and that I'm sorry. Tell the other guys that they made for a fun time, but they suck at truth or dare. I may be gone, but keep in mind that I will be at peace._

_Love, Maverick Mitchell_

By the time Ice got done reading the note, which he could hardly read due to his tears, the ambulance had showed up and took Maverick from him

* * *

"Maverick is dead." Viper said as he saw Kazansky in the locker room, by himself. He was hardly holding tears back himself.

"I know"

* * *

That's exactly how Iceman Kazansky ended up at a cemetery in the cold, pouring rain. He had walked a long way to see the marble cross, which was now dripping with water. Iceman knelt in the area right next to it after laying another set of flowers. He hasn't been the same since. His fingered caressed the cross as well as they could, and soon, he was crying. Crying harder than he almost ever has. This was the first time he has visited the grave since Maverick decided that leaving would be the best option. 

"Mitchell, I loved you so fucking much. Why do this to me?" Ice managed to say at a low whisper, his voice cracking as he spoke. The cool rain ran down his whole body and face, hiding his tears. He got to keep one of Maverick's dog tags, and he clutched it with his other hand.

His friend, his wingman, his boyfriend... gone...

**Author's Note:**

> thecarlysutra and Pink_and_Velvet, I gift this work to you to because I am so amazed by every single on of y'all's stories. Though this isn't as good as y'all's, I wanted to give back to you guys. I hope y'all enjoyed!


End file.
